The palace of dreams

The taj mahal of my life is gone today. This was the place where many dreams were woven, together by both of us. So many images of life come to mind when remembering that place. Have not been there in 2 years. I will visit now for the last 2 times to empty out the place of our existence and hand it over to the buyer. Bye bye malibu. tears.

Happier Time

Memories are to be cherished – never given up on. Never lost. But it seems like the girl is going to bury most of them. I don’t miss you everyday – stopping short of calling the girl with your name. But what to do. The missus can now laugh and joke about you a bit. The folks back home called on her birthday. It felt nice when the missus could talk to them. Hosting anni in Dub was such a good feeling too. Hope arraw with her dotter can also come visit some day. Things are definitely improving. Do not forget our flickr images and the faceboook page.

Had almost forgoten this one. Have come back after almost an year in a much better state of mind. You know how I feel now about you. Love always.

Life changes.

So it does – so said everybody – so i feel. But why does it have to be so. While the Girl brings a lot of joy, there are times that you are sitting on my mind – dreams, visions, signs – can ignore them but why did it have to be so. Called up your folks today – MIL is the only consolation there – their life goes on without me and I’m not important to them. They are important to me and yet such is life that I may never get to see them again – or make things the way they should be – they way I wanted them to be. It is all so uncomfortable now. Is money going to change it all? Is anything going to change it at all? Seems like never. A part of me will always be broken and alone.

This was the place!

Came across this old pic while clearing up the comp. Don’t know when or how I will get to visit again. Ahhhh!

Glad T took this picture & saved it. So many have been destroyed, lost – don’t know how I will get those moments back. Everything is lost. The hope is that the girl is going to be you. Please please let it be so.

Arreee Dadi?

Read it on the mail – didn’t quite say so in the subject, but the matter was pretty clear even before I opened it. Dadi is with you now. Another one of your loved ones you have called to you. Spoke to C, she doesn’t seem to mind it. Actually no one else but you would have, had you been here. I hear you telling me that you would’ve gone through VC’s, this would not have been more than that. K kya kare Ms. G? I need to live here for a good time so that the current family doesn’t suffer. It’s not much of suffering for me as of now, but it will grow more later I feel.

Dadi’s memories? Her frail self, her false teeth, her walking stick, her blessings in Punjabi, R’s replies to those and the laughter. Your lovely, lovely laughter! A laughter which embarassed me to begin with, but will stay with me forever – hopefully. Or is the coming one going to write over it?

No more sharing?

Wasn’t it the most powerful experience yet? Can list quite a few with the flowers, and the one where I felt clearly your presence in the bed. The night suddenly turned cold, the shivering feeling. And the dreams. But this one surely takes the cake.

Now how about sharing with them? N did not reply to my earlier mail. Wonder what’s going on with her. The last time I spoke with her, it was with some feeling. But have felt the connection weaken over the last few months. Can call C and tell her. Wonder if that has any meaning. Mom will definitely appreciate listening to this.

You are the Rain.

Amazing! Amazing! Amazing! Mela dappu.

Dream date!

That was a beautiful one. Amazing was when I asked you ‘Mera kya hoga?’ and you said ‘Kal bataunga’ – I guess you were talking about what VA said. 13th was depressing with all things hoped for losing wickets one by one. But yesterday’s conversation with VA was a shimmer of fresh hope. Still don’t know what’s going to happen about the reception encounter though! Hope that M will take it easy, and let us all off peacefully. Wouldn’t know how to manage a racket at the public function, or even in presence of a few. But I guess you have got it all covered. So bless us.

So what’s the deal?

Now it is working this way, that I think of you sometimes. A lot of times I dream about you, and most of the time I am lost in some world where you and me are together. The end does not come easy now – especially since there are two babies involved. I am sure you understand. But I know that  it will come soon. The babies will have to grow up faster than they do.

I keep in touch with them, and I try to hold on to the past. It is not such a bad thing. If I could, I would forever. Wish to hug the little one, or laugh with Sis. Visit 31, watch the big fat TV on the big fat bed in the big ass rooms – go to the perpetually dirty toilet and wait for chandan to bring neebu paani. Then drive down to MT while it is drizzling and you and me stand in balcony and watch our world come together.

Didn’t know that it will fall apart so fast. Those days the dreams seemed to last forever. But nothing does, does it?

Today

So today, we have resigned to the fate – with the new missus who’s made us clear out all that we thought we will hold on to forever. Wonder if I will be able to come back here and see all that’s hidden forever.